i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
