dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i dont even know how to be here
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
