good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
