I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
