Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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