bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
