Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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