I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
