i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
