you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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