I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
