i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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