Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
