i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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