I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
