idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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