Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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