I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
