You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
