the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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