My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
