I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
