I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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