areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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