we have officially lost it.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
