TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
