I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize