I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
