there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
