I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I smell stomach acid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize