Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
