Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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