She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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