i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize