i just wanna soil my oats bro
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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