Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
