apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
