Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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