just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
