he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
