I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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