I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
