I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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