Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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