I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
