Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
