the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
