The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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