So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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