I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
where are my eyebrows?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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