I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
