Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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