you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
