Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
