the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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