You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We left the knife in your bed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
