I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
