WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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