don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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