When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
