Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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