That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
