apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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