He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
