Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
