How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
