There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
