I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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