I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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