Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
