Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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