When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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