WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize