Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
