so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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