come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize