halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
