I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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