Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
