Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
