I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
