he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
