My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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