sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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