dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
