Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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