you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
