I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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