If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize