yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
