my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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