Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
