I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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