Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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