Me too!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
