shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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