I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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