I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
