the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My ass is underappreciated
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
