Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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