It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
