I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
