I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
