I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
