i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
