I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
