You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
operation have a gay friend backfired
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
